I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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