dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
