ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
