im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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