Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
