Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
