i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
