Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
