I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
