I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
