I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My balls are so social today.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
