I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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