It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
