I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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