I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
