i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
