This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
