I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
