something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
