Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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