I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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