Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
