my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
