She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
