i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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