Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
