My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
