So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
