I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
