there's paper in my vomit.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
