that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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