Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
