Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
