hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
