now i know why i became what i already was.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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