I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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