you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
