I bet he comes in French.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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