no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
