i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
