Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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