Rock
Scissors
Fuck
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
