Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
