there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
