Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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