Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
