All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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