My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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