What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
