I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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