I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
