Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
