I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
